Don't forget: It's YOUR wedding

So wedding planning involves putting together a lot of details, which means a lot of decisions.  Any anywhere there are a lot of decisions there is also an abundance of opinions.  

During my meetings with with couples, I sometimes have a conversion that goes something like this:

Couple : "So we finally made a decision on the rentals.  We are getting the gold rimmed china and matching flatware"
Me: "That's always a pretty choice. What made you decide to choose that style?"
Coup!e: " mom wanted it."
Me : (pause) "OK. "

This couple didn't care about the china.  If fact, they originally wanted some eco-friendly disposables to match the garden picnic theme.  But that's when they ran into this little problem.  Whose wedding is it?

I would like for the answer to be -  It's Your wedding!

(And by "yours" I mean both of you. Not just the bride. Not just the groom.  But you as a couple.)


Now I know that the mom meant well.  And for the record, I am not picking on moms.  (I have one of my own and I am one.)  But the mom thought that if you didn't have real china it wasn't a wedding, just a casual picnic.    

How many times has this happened to you?  And it doesn't have to be your mom.  It might be your aunt, grandma or sister.   In the past few years, more and more wedding traditions have been broken.  But change can be hard.  

1. Decide what matters. There will be some decisions that are an absolute must for you. While others you just don't care.  At the beginning of planning, decide what is most important to both of you.  Great food, killer music, amazing decor.  

2. Its OK to break traditions.  Honestly, most modern wedding traditions aren't really that old.  I will say that family traditions are different then general wedding traditions.  If you don't want to continue an important family tradition, think of a way to modify it to continue it in the future while still honoring the past.  Sometimes these are more important to family then whether you wear white or toss the bouquet. 

3. Set boundaries.  If there are details of the wedding that aren't as important to you, then let this be an area for the mothers to have some input and control.  It allows them to be involved and you keep your sanity.  The opposite is also very true.  If something is important to you, then tell your family early so that they have time to be OK with it and know not to force their opinions. 

4. Money can cause problems.  I wish it weren't true but it is.  Whoever is paying for the wedding, can feel like they get more say about the wedding or get to make decisions.  If someone offers to help pay for your wedding, make sure that you have a good relationship with them.  While they might help pay for it, it isn't their wedding. 

When you get frustrated just keep telling yourself.  "It's your wedding"  (rinse and repeat and necessary)