So wedding planning involves putting together a lot of details, which means a lot of decisions.  Any anywhere there are a lot of decisions there is also an abundance of opinions.  

During my meetings with with couples, I sometimes have a conversion that goes something like this:

Couple : "So we finally made a decision on the rentals.  We are getting the gold rimmed china and matching flatware"

Me: "That's always a pretty choice. What made you decide to choose that style?"

Coup!e: " Um...well....my mom wanted it."

Me : (pause) "OK. "

This couple didn't care about the china.  If fact, they originally wanted some eco-friendly disposables to match the garden picnic theme.  But that's when they ran into this little problem.  Whose wedding is it?

I would like for the answer to be -  It's Your wedding!

(And by "yours" I mean both of you. Not just the bride. Not just the groom.  But you as a couple.)

Now I know that the mom meant well.  And for the record, I am not picking on moms.  (I have one of my own and I am one.)  But the mom thought that if you didn't have real china it wasn't a wedding, just a casual picnic.    

How many times has this happened to you?  And it doesn't have to be your mom.  It might be your aunt, grandma or sister.   In the past few years, more and more wedding traditions have been broken.  But change can be hard.  

1. Decide what matters. There will be some decisions that are an absolute must for you. While others you just don't care.  At the beginning of planning, decide what is most important to both of you.  Great food, killer music, amazing decor.  

2. Its OK to break traditions.  Honestly, most modern wedding traditions aren't really that old.  I will say that family traditions are different then general wedding traditions.  If you don't want to continue an important family tradition, think of a way to modify it to continue it in the future while still honoring the past.  Sometimes these are more important to family then whether you wear white or toss the bouquet. 

3. Set boundaries.  If there are details of the wedding that aren't as important to you, then let this be an area for the mothers to have some input and control.  It allows them to be involved and you keep your sanity.  The opposite is also very true.  If something is important to you, then tell your family early so that they have time to be OK with it and know not to force their opinions. 

4. Money can cause problems.  I wish it weren't true but it is.  Whoever is paying for the wedding, can feel like they get more say about the wedding or get to make decisions.  If someone offers to help pay for your wedding, make sure that you have a good relationship with them.  While they might help pay for it, it isn't their wedding. 

When you get frustrated just keep telling yourself.  "It's your wedding"  (rinse and repeat and necessary)

I can't tell you how many brides I meet with who tell me that wedding planning is giving them nightmares or keeping them up late at night with all the details.  Complicated logistics can stress anyone, when the truth is that most brides want simple wedding planning. Here are 9 wedding planning tips to help you stay in control and keep your sanity. 

1. Create a plan.  Use a wedding checklist to prioritize your decisions as well as a due date for completion. This list will also help you with the things needed to plan a wedding.  There is no point worrying over the flavor of the cake if you still don’t have a wedding venue.  Staying focused on the required wedding preparation tasks helps you stay in control of the decisions without feeling rushed.
    
2. Be realistic.  If you expect everything to be perfect, you will add unneeded stress.  Nothing is every perfect.  But you will be surrounded by friends and family marrying the one your love.  Instead choose to be happy in the moment.
    
3. Use technology to stay organized.  An online wedding planner or planning tool makes it easy for you to access your images, notes and contracts from your phone or tablet anywhere and is easy to share with vendors. Create a master contact list to keep track of everyone’s information.   Read more about using Evernote for your wedding. 
    
4. Choose Professionals.  Hiring professionals can reduce large amounts of stress.  Your wedding planner can help by giving you professional resources and answers to questions.  Your florist will tell you which flowers are in season and the colors your prefer.  Your stationer will help you with etiquitte for the invitaiton and programs.  Working with professionals keeps you from feeling like you have to do it all yourself.   Help is always just a call or email away.
    
5. Invite fewer guests.  Fewer guests means less space, less rentals, less food, less alcohol and a lower budget which is always a good thing.
    
6. Use an online RSVP.  While not traditional ettiquite, most younger guests will appreciate being able to RSVP online on their compute or phone.  Tip: If you do send RSVP cards, number each one to correspond to a guest so if they are returned without names, you can decipher them.
    
7. Don’t spend hours on Pinterest. While I love Pinterest as much as the next girl, it is easy to find a dozen things that you have to buy for your wedding.  Trust me, your guests won’t notice.
    
8. hink carefully about DIY.  While it is great to be creatively involved in your wedding, think about the details and logistics involved in making, transporting and storing your projects.   Plus, you don’t want to be up late every night the week of your wedding because you still have things unfinished. 
    
9. Take a break.  Go on a date night with your fiancee or just agree not to talk about wedding plans for one week.  This is essential to keep both of you from getting burned out on wedding planning.  Making decisions is mentally tiring so take a break and focus on the people who matter. .

I thought I would share a little wedding planning advice for both brides and grooms.  It can be very easy to get caught up in wedding planning and make these mistakes. While some may seem like common sense, I still see brides making them all the time. 

1.      Trying to tackle too much DIY.  I am not only talking about DIY projects but also about not delegating tasks.  I know that Pinterest is filled with amazing crafts you can create for your wedding. But, you can truly overdo it with to-dos, projects, tasks and details.  Choose 1 or 2 tasks that are important to you, delegate what you can and skip the rest.    Don’t make these DIY mistakes

2.      Thinking your friends and family will be glad to do everything.  While your friends and family will offer to help with the wedding, don’t abuse that offer.   Folding 75 programs is fine; folding 200 origami cranes is not.  The same is true on your wedding day.  Your friends and family will want to celebrate with you not spend 4 hours setting up and 2 hours cleaning up afterwards.   And while your mom may have been an enormous help during planning, she probably doesn’t want to handle things on the day of the wedding. 

3.      Hiring a wedding planner or coordinator too late.  If you know you want to hire a planner or coordinator, do it as soon as possible.  Planners can help guide you in the best resources for your budget before you actually spend any of it.   They can also advice you when you may be making a bad choice.  Use their experience; this is one of the advantages of hiring a wedding planner.   If you only want a hire a wedding coordinator, you should book them early too.  Trying to find someone available 4 weeks before your wedding isn't the best idea; it adds unneeded stress and gives you fewer options.  I can’t tell you how many inquiries I get less than a month before the wedding date.  Since the price doesn't change for coordination, do it early and enjoy the extra peace of mind.

4.      Not doing a trial hair and makeup.  Want to know if that perfect hairstyle can stand up to southern humidity or 3 hours of dancing?  Do a trial.  The same for your makeup.  You will know how it feels and how well it lasts avoiding wedding day issues.

5.      Worrying that someone else will copy your wedding ideas.  They probably already have.  Although, they didn’t steal it; they found it on Pinterest just like you did.  Most wedding ideas are not completely new.  No two weddings are ever identical even if they have a few similar details.  If you are really concerned then don’t share your Pinterest board or wedding details with anyone but close friends and wedding professionals. 

6.      Not planning the guest list.  The mistake is in choosing the venue or planning other large details before discussing the guest count.  I have seen weddings guest lists double once the families start adding people.  Have that discussion early before signing any contracts.  If you have to change venues later or (forbid) uninvite people to your wedding, you will have created some large headaches for everyone involved.

7.      Going on an extreme diet.  Almost every bride starts watching what she eats and working out more so that she can look amazing for your special day.  However, sometimes brides lose too much weight and there isn’t time to have the gown altered properly.  Buy your dress at the size you are now and stay away from crazy diet fads.

8.      Not trusting your vendors.  You have chosen great wedding professionals so trust them to do their job.   Don’t hire a florist whose work is all natural with lots of greenery and then expect structured centerpieces with no greenery.  Choose vendors who fit your style and then trust their creative genius to give you a unique event. 

9.      Not paying attention to your guests.  While every wedding detail is important to you, your guests probably won’t remember most of them.  They will remember the experience.  Communicate to your guests if the wedding is outdoors.  Watch the weather and offer extra drinks if it is extremely hot.  Make sure you provide plenty of seating for older guests. The more comfortable your guests are; they more they will appreciate and remember your wedding.  Keep your guests informed

10.   Not having enough time to eat.  This is one of the big things that I always talk to my brides and grooms about.  Take time to eat before the wedding.  Then once you arrive at the reception, I will make sure that your plates are filled so you can take a few minutes to eat.  After taking all the months of planning for the perfect menu and fabulous cake, be sure to enjoy it.  Even if it is just 15 minutes, take the time to sit down and eat. 

11. Trying to control everything.  While there are a lot of decisions to be made and details to be managed, don’t micromanage your friends, family or vendors.   Some of the happiest brides are the ones who just let everything go and truly live in the moment during their wedding.  Trying to control things like weather or traffic will just make you unhappy and you will lose focus on what is really important. 

These are just a few of the mistakes that I see brides and grooms making.  If you want to have someone helping you avoid these, contact me for a consultation